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ASK THE COACH: How do I assert myself?
"I have difficulty asserting myself to my superior and co-workers and often feel inferior. What can I do?"
Executive coach Joel Garfinkle says:
"I think that's a normal reaction. We're taught early in life to be polite and to not be arrogant or conceited. However, having a healthy view of your strengths and being able to convey them to your superiors is neither conceited nor arrogant. You need to learn to do this to set boundaries, to get promotions and raises and to gain respect for your talents. Consider projects you have worked on and what gifts and talents you used to make them a success. Look at your daily tasks and see what strengths are manifested there. List all of your achievements and accomplishments no matter how small they may seem. Seeing them in front of you will help to remind you just how much you truly are capable of. Then look at what you are good at and truly love to do. Find ways to create work around these things. Communicate with your employers so that you can focus on what you are best at. Keep your focus. Remind yourself often of what you are good at and focus on how to increase it. Schedule weekly or monthly appointments with yourself to review your successes and look at how you've contributed. Set goals to use your gifts more effectively and more frequently in your work.
It is vital to bring the best of yourself forward to your employer. If your employer isn't aware of your strengths and what you contribute to the organization, they will have difficulty giving you what you want. Once you get in touch with your strengths, you will gain confidence and allow them to come forward. It will be easier for you to ask for what you want. If you stay focused in fear, you will remain stuck and not be able to assert yourself. Focus instead on the positive, empowering feeling that comes from knowing your strengths and what you contribute to the company and you'll find it much easier to move forward. Remember, if you don't believe you are capable of something, how can you hope to convince anyone else that you are?"
Copyright 2007, Joel Garfinkle, All Rights Reserved.
Joel Garfinkle leads managers and executives to higher levels of professional and personal achievement. Partial client list includes: BofA, HP, GAP, Citigroup, and Eli Lilly. Visit Joel online at Garfinkle Executive Coaching.
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